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Welcome to my blog! I use my blog as a way to reflect, share, organize, and re-conceptualize my views as an educator. Enjoy and feel free to comment, post, disagree, and share your opinion. The more perspectives, the better!

Wednesday, June 29, 2011

Losing Confidence

You know when you start to clean a room how it always seems to get messier before it gets clean?

Welcome to my life.

It is a bad analogy, but it is the best I could come up with after an emotionally draining day. Today's lesson was the worst lesson I have ever taught. It was really frustrating. My short introduction took my entire lesson to get through and I was so frazzled b/c of behavior, lack of sleep, finding out my favorite student had dropped summer school (which turned out to be false), negotiating my learning and training as a teacher, buying into a rewards/consequence system that I cannot stand, and a lack of materials prep (yay bus detour) that I could not get control of my class and it went down hill quickly.

I really haven't had that awesome day yet, but most have been decent--some better than others--but today in combination with yesterday has me frustrated, emotionally drained, and without much confidence in myself. I feel like while trying to balance so much new learning and strategies and the pressure to move so quickly through concepts that I have lost my teaching style, my teachers voice. It is beyond frustrating. I was so close to crying it was not even funny. I would have cried if not for an awesome FA who helped me gain some perspective and begin to create an action plan for tomorrow. (That and a few empathetic CMs who listened/shared in venting with me--at least I know I am not the only one in this place).

Tomorrow is a new day. It will be better. I have a plan in place to make some changes and the supports to help me do so. My kids deserve a confident teacher. Today they did not learn, tomorrow they will. Welcome to life as a CM.

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