If you met me 1 year ago, I would talk your ear off about teaching.
If you met me 1 year ago, I would smile when I talked about our students.
If you met me 1 year ago, I could tell you about how I wanted to implement a reading workshop and a writing workshop.
If you met me 1 year ago, you meet a well-rounded person.
If you met me 1 year ago, you would meet someone who was tired, but not exhausted.
If you met me 1 year ago, you would be meeting a person who believed in herself.
If you met me today, I would want to hear about something, ANYTHING, other than teaching.
If you met me today, I would sigh when I talked about my students
If you met me today, I would tell you that I don't understand balanced math, balanced literacy, or Reggie Routman Writing.
If you met me today, you would meet someone who does nothing but work.
If you met me today, you would meet someone who is no longer sure of herself.
If you met me today, you would meet someone who is working tirelessly to get better.
If you met me today, you would meet someone who is frustrated by a lack of progress.
If you met me today, you would meet a perfectionist who is no where close to perfect.
If you knew me 1 year ago and met me again today, you would not recognize me.
Sorry to be depressing. It has been a long couple of weeks. I have been putting off posting on here (and sending out my monthly, well let's be honest bi/tri monthly, update to family and friends) until I could be a little bit more positive. I'm trying to be more positive. I am really trying to be more positive, but let's face it--optimism has never been one of my strengths. I can say optimistic things, but in my head (and most likely out loud) they are sarcastic. I am a realist, and the reality is that I am not happy. I just don't know what to do about it. It seems like the harder I try, the more frustrated I become. I wake up every morning and think about how many hours it will be before I get to go back to bed. I cuss my students out under my breath at least five times a day and I am currently at the top of the school's gossip list for crying during an evaluation meeting and half of the day on Friday. Things have to get better. That is not optimism. That is reality.
I have been challenged by my MTLD to write down at least 2 positive things that happen each day. So I am going to try it. My new label, "life on the sunny side" should have a daily update about good things happening in my classroom. So here it goes...
(1) Today we made it through everything we had planned. I even had time for a pencil raid, recess, AND a word game!
(2) Based on my suggestion, our literacy coach helped us truly integrate science and language arts in our plans next week. This means that I will actually get to teach some science. We have millipedes, pill bugs, and terrariums to build!